U.S. Debt Jumped $72 Billion Same Day U.S. House Voted to Cut Spending $6 Billion---CBS news headline 3-16-11

My brother wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't such an asshole!---Dr. Dave

Never have so many suffered so that so few could be so happy!---Major Frank Burns to Hot Lips Houlihan on M*A*S*H.

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.---H. G. Bohn

I only have one good eye and it's always looking in the wrong place.---Sammy Davis Jr.

If it doesn't rain before I see you again, piss on you!

Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!---Eric Cartman, South Park

Save your money, someday it might be worth something.

This is me. This is me not giving a fuck. Any questions?

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.---D. H. Lawrence

It's God's job to judge the terrorists...It's our job to arrange the meeting.---U.S. Marines (thecorpsstore.com)

My inner child is a mean little bastard.

PHUCMERUNIN

One Big Ass Mistake America

Can I refill your eggnog? Get you something to eat? Drive you into the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?---Clark W. Griswold

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

I never drink water, fish fuck in it.---W. C. Fields

Single male seeks double-jointed supermodel who owns a brewery and grows her own pot. Access to free concert tickets a plus!

When we talk with other men, we see red and then, deep inside our blood begins to boil, like a tiger in the cage, we begin to shake with rage.--Judas Priest, The Rage

There is no problem which cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.---William W. Hughes

I want to die like my grandfather......peacefully in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

If a man says something in a forest and no woman is there to hear him is he still wrong?

Four of the five voices in my head are telling me to shoot!

You can't cheat an honest man.---W. C. Fields

I am still amazed that some people still flop back and forth between Republican and Democratic leadership as if these are actually choices. They are merely two closing jaws of the same steel trap.---castlewp on CM.com

TeePee For My Bunghole!

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.---Thomas Jefferson

Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value - zero.--- Voltaire

You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the rich out of freedom.
What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
The government cannot give to anybody anything the government does not first take from somebody else.
When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them,
and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for,
that my dear friend is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply the wealth by dividing it.---Dr. Adrian Rogers

It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain an idea without necessarily accepting it.

Any day you wake up on the green side of the lawn is a good day!---DR

We (guys) are delicate individuals with egos like bald eagle egg shells after a meal of pure DDT.---Steve Janega

We the sheeple pledge allegiance to the United States of Socialism and to the treasonous, ineffective leaders for which it stands, one co-opted nation, under siege, with indentured servitude and injustice for all.

Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a nice way that they actually look forward to the trip.

Bi-Partisanship: You hug my donkey and I'll kiss your ass.

Spotted owl tastes like pheasant.

Fuck'em before they fuck you.

 

Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
 

If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
 

Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
 

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
 

Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
 

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
 

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

I'm only here until I achieve escape velocity.
 

To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
 

If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand Basket?
37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service! Gals: No Shirt, No Charge!
42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
44. Ax Me About Ebonics
45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
46. Boldly Going Nowhere
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
49. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
50. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
55. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.
64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.